Today is Thursday.
Today is January 30th, 2014.
Today is the day I would have entered the Argentina MTC en route to the Uruguay Montevideo Mission for an eighteen-month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
But here I am.
A few months ago I made a post about how I made my decision to stay at Brigham Young University and serve the Lord in other capacities instead of serving an LDS full time mission at this time. In just the short amount of time I have made that decision and stuck to it, I have learned a great deal about my relationship with God. I have been able to serve His children, my peers, in a fuller capacity than before. I have learned that all I have comes from my Heavenly Father, so keenly aware of my needs and tribulations each and every hour. Perhaps most importantly I have learned that this is where I need to be at this time.
Tonight was also Poetry Night for me, my roommates, and others we invited into our home to share in some fun. Some may say by coincidence, but I disagree, that Robert Frost's poem The Road Not Taken was one of the first poems we shared. All of today I have thought about today's date, and how if I had taken the other path before me I would be on another continent right now, prepared for a very different sort of adventure. This poem hit home, as I pondered the many forks in the road that we may encounter, and how I took the one less traveled by in the plans of my life. If I could only choose one principle which I have taken from this turn of events, it would be to trust God with all of my heart, always willing, and never doubting.
And that has made all the difference.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Strike That; Reverse It
In the 1971 Willy Wonka film (a movie that I hope all of you have seen or I may be getting old), Gene Wilder proclaims the famous line "So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it." As the year 2013 has ended and 2014 has begun I have felt the effects of the Earth's rotations on my desire to achieve, complete, and progress. Just a little over three and a half weeks ago I concocted a list of goals and checkpoints I wish to accomplish for this year. A little over three and a half weeks in, I realize that this may not be as easy as I had thought.
One of my favorite books holds the line, "This life is the time for men to prepare to meet God...the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." I hold that to heart as each day I try a little harder to be a little better, to prepare to meet my Heavenly Father and let Him know that I sure did put a lot of effort into this existence of mine. Reading those words, I think of the goals I have set, some in fun, some in preparation for the future, but all in the desire to be a better me; more well-rounded, more kind, more organized, and more Christ-like. Reading those words, I think of the immense amount of tasks and progress I want to complete, but the contradicting sliver of time I am given to stuff them all into.
And then I realize I've got it all wrong.
I do not have so much to do and so little time, and I do not have so much time and so little to do. It's like I'm Goldilocks, and everything is "just right." My life here on Earth is not the beginning, nor the end. I existed and lived before, and I will continue to exist and live after. So in reality I have much more time than I think I do (and also more to get done). I'm certainly not saying I should procrastinate the goals I have set here, as it is clear I have an overall achievement to reach: prepare to meet God. Yet does that mean I will be perfect when I meet my Father? Oh no. No, no, no. I'll probably still be barefoot and crazy (hey wait...isn't that perfection?), with a lot more to work on. But that's the thing, if I was perfect then I wouldn't have anything to do with my eternal life, nothing to do with what comes next. So bring on the days and weeks that seem to fly by. Bring on the milestones reached, achievements collected, and goals left for another day. I will embrace the rotations of the planet, the revolutions that leave me reflecting and planning, and the many, many adventures along the way.
One of my favorite books holds the line, "This life is the time for men to prepare to meet God...the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." I hold that to heart as each day I try a little harder to be a little better, to prepare to meet my Heavenly Father and let Him know that I sure did put a lot of effort into this existence of mine. Reading those words, I think of the goals I have set, some in fun, some in preparation for the future, but all in the desire to be a better me; more well-rounded, more kind, more organized, and more Christ-like. Reading those words, I think of the immense amount of tasks and progress I want to complete, but the contradicting sliver of time I am given to stuff them all into.
And then I realize I've got it all wrong.
I do not have so much to do and so little time, and I do not have so much time and so little to do. It's like I'm Goldilocks, and everything is "just right." My life here on Earth is not the beginning, nor the end. I existed and lived before, and I will continue to exist and live after. So in reality I have much more time than I think I do (and also more to get done). I'm certainly not saying I should procrastinate the goals I have set here, as it is clear I have an overall achievement to reach: prepare to meet God. Yet does that mean I will be perfect when I meet my Father? Oh no. No, no, no. I'll probably still be barefoot and crazy (hey wait...isn't that perfection?), with a lot more to work on. But that's the thing, if I was perfect then I wouldn't have anything to do with my eternal life, nothing to do with what comes next. So bring on the days and weeks that seem to fly by. Bring on the milestones reached, achievements collected, and goals left for another day. I will embrace the rotations of the planet, the revolutions that leave me reflecting and planning, and the many, many adventures along the way.
Joy, not stress you guys. Joy.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Prayer Has No Life Bar
Chances are, if you've ever played a video game before, then you know what a life bar is. Remember? That slim rectangle at the top of the screen, showing you how many more hits you can take before you're out for the count? The one you subconsciously keep track of as your eyes move over other portions of the screen? And when it gets low, you do everything you can to save that precious last bit of life (including yelling at the inanimate characters and controllers). Oh look, it most often resembles these:
Switching gears here; let me tell you an awesome story. Well, it was awesome for me, so I hope you can join in my gratitude for it, as it really has changed my life.
At the end of this semester I was in a fix. Final exams came down hard on my sleep schedule, energy levels, and overall well-being. I was sick, I was tired, I was busy, and yet I was simply just like every other college student trying to scrape by with the best possible GPA for their given situation. I had a full tuition scholarship to maintain, and a grad school dream keeping me going, so I worked; I worked hard. I worked on remembering which genus of over fifty species of bacteria, protists, and fungi belonged to which symptoms and characteristics; I worked on head snaps and a strong frame while dancing tango; I worked on memorizing quotes from Church leaders and gospel principles I had studied throughout the semester; I worked on improving my knowledge of the history of dance and the progression of styles from lineage-based societies to modern, ballroom, ballet, and others of today; I worked on understanding the laws and equations behind momentum, energy, torque, waves, and heat. I worked so hard, and yet I could not do it. Not on my own.
My first moment of insufficiency arrived: I needed an 83% in order to obtain an A in my four credit Microbiology class. I felt like I would never be able to remember and understand all of the required material in the amount of time given, and I knew if I tried I would burn myself out before I even took the exam. In my time of trouble, I turned to the sky. I prayed. I prayed to be able to do my best, to have an open mind, and to accept the grade I would receive without beating myself up. And then I took the test. After, I handed in my exam, and walked out and looked up at the BYU Testing Center screen for my score: I got an 84%. I got the A. I almost cried.
My second moment came along after I had partially burned myself out studying for General Physics 1. I love math and science, but have never taken a physics course before, so I did not know that this subject somehow did not come easily to me. It was humbling, really. But the final exam staring me in the face was more terrifying than anything. I knew the highest grade I could receive in the course was a B, which I was not too pleased about, but if I could just get a 67% on the final, then I would not have to face a B-. I know, I know; how hard could it be to get a 67%? Well, for me, it was hard to do anything good in that class. So I prayed again. I prayed my little heart out. And I took that test and tried my best, and almost four hours later my hand shook as I gave my bubble sheet to the scanner. I got a 69%. I got the B. This time, I really did cry.
They say the third time is a charm. I don't actually know what that means, but in this case it was my third moment of need that let me learn the lesson being taught this whole time. I had finished all of my finals and proceeded to calculate my final GPA, trying to see if I would be able to retain my scholarship. I calculated once, twice, thrice, but the numbers stayed the same. I didn't meet the cut-off point. Had all of my hard work been for nothing? The answer to this question is "no", because my GPA does not determine my self-worth or talents or ability to serve the world, but I wasn't about to give up. I emailed professors, looked through past assignments, and read through all of the syllabi to see if there was any chance. If just one of my two A-'s was changed to an A, I would have the GPA necessary to be eligible for full tuition scholarship reconsideration. Guess what I did? You got it, I got down on my knees and offered up a humble prayer.
I knew this was not the end of the world, and I knew I could most certainly survive if this didn't work out, but I also knew that the God I worship is my Heavenly Father. I know He cares about what I care about, no matter how small or trivial. I know He listens to my prayers earnestly and diligently, and helps and guides me in every way. I know He helped me before, but it was here I was unsure He would help me again so soon. Hadn't I used up all of my prayers? Didn't my prayer life bar need to be recharged? Couldn't you only have so many crisis-conquering miracles in a period of time before they needed to take a vacation? This is seriously the way I thought. Odd? Yeah, I usually am, but I learned my lesson this time. Prayer has no life bar. Prayer never stops being an effective way of communicating with our Father in Heaven, no matter how many times a day you use it, even in desperation; especially in desperation.
My prayers were answered, and I am now eligible for reconsideration for a full tuition scholarship. It is by grace I have seen miracles, and it is by grace I will continue to be blessed. Even if my prayers were answered in a different way, meaning even if I did not end this semester in the way I desired, I know that all things happen for a reason. I know that as my desires become aligned with His will, I will be happy no matter what comes my way.
I've just got to keep praying.
Switching gears here; let me tell you an awesome story. Well, it was awesome for me, so I hope you can join in my gratitude for it, as it really has changed my life.
At the end of this semester I was in a fix. Final exams came down hard on my sleep schedule, energy levels, and overall well-being. I was sick, I was tired, I was busy, and yet I was simply just like every other college student trying to scrape by with the best possible GPA for their given situation. I had a full tuition scholarship to maintain, and a grad school dream keeping me going, so I worked; I worked hard. I worked on remembering which genus of over fifty species of bacteria, protists, and fungi belonged to which symptoms and characteristics; I worked on head snaps and a strong frame while dancing tango; I worked on memorizing quotes from Church leaders and gospel principles I had studied throughout the semester; I worked on improving my knowledge of the history of dance and the progression of styles from lineage-based societies to modern, ballroom, ballet, and others of today; I worked on understanding the laws and equations behind momentum, energy, torque, waves, and heat. I worked so hard, and yet I could not do it. Not on my own.
My first moment of insufficiency arrived: I needed an 83% in order to obtain an A in my four credit Microbiology class. I felt like I would never be able to remember and understand all of the required material in the amount of time given, and I knew if I tried I would burn myself out before I even took the exam. In my time of trouble, I turned to the sky. I prayed. I prayed to be able to do my best, to have an open mind, and to accept the grade I would receive without beating myself up. And then I took the test. After, I handed in my exam, and walked out and looked up at the BYU Testing Center screen for my score: I got an 84%. I got the A. I almost cried.
My second moment came along after I had partially burned myself out studying for General Physics 1. I love math and science, but have never taken a physics course before, so I did not know that this subject somehow did not come easily to me. It was humbling, really. But the final exam staring me in the face was more terrifying than anything. I knew the highest grade I could receive in the course was a B, which I was not too pleased about, but if I could just get a 67% on the final, then I would not have to face a B-. I know, I know; how hard could it be to get a 67%? Well, for me, it was hard to do anything good in that class. So I prayed again. I prayed my little heart out. And I took that test and tried my best, and almost four hours later my hand shook as I gave my bubble sheet to the scanner. I got a 69%. I got the B. This time, I really did cry.
They say the third time is a charm. I don't actually know what that means, but in this case it was my third moment of need that let me learn the lesson being taught this whole time. I had finished all of my finals and proceeded to calculate my final GPA, trying to see if I would be able to retain my scholarship. I calculated once, twice, thrice, but the numbers stayed the same. I didn't meet the cut-off point. Had all of my hard work been for nothing? The answer to this question is "no", because my GPA does not determine my self-worth or talents or ability to serve the world, but I wasn't about to give up. I emailed professors, looked through past assignments, and read through all of the syllabi to see if there was any chance. If just one of my two A-'s was changed to an A, I would have the GPA necessary to be eligible for full tuition scholarship reconsideration. Guess what I did? You got it, I got down on my knees and offered up a humble prayer.
I knew this was not the end of the world, and I knew I could most certainly survive if this didn't work out, but I also knew that the God I worship is my Heavenly Father. I know He cares about what I care about, no matter how small or trivial. I know He listens to my prayers earnestly and diligently, and helps and guides me in every way. I know He helped me before, but it was here I was unsure He would help me again so soon. Hadn't I used up all of my prayers? Didn't my prayer life bar need to be recharged? Couldn't you only have so many crisis-conquering miracles in a period of time before they needed to take a vacation? This is seriously the way I thought. Odd? Yeah, I usually am, but I learned my lesson this time. Prayer has no life bar. Prayer never stops being an effective way of communicating with our Father in Heaven, no matter how many times a day you use it, even in desperation; especially in desperation.
My prayers were answered, and I am now eligible for reconsideration for a full tuition scholarship. It is by grace I have seen miracles, and it is by grace I will continue to be blessed. Even if my prayers were answered in a different way, meaning even if I did not end this semester in the way I desired, I know that all things happen for a reason. I know that as my desires become aligned with His will, I will be happy no matter what comes my way.
I've just got to keep praying.
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